kyolocke

2007 Dumb Shit Awards

2007-02-25T23:48:46Z

Ladies and gentleman it’s the 2007 Dumb Shit Awards! This is
the awards show’s Third Annual Presentation on the worst shit of the year. This
year, no categories have been changed, providing you with the same awards you
know and love. As per usual, anything without a proper photo is pictured by the
Insane Clown Posse. Well, without further ado, let’s get on with the show! It’s
time to present the first shitty!

Shittiest Song:
Any song that’s not “Feebird”
Various Albums
Various Artists

Every song created in 2006 managed to not be Free Bird. Out
of the hundreds of thousands, maybe millions of songs released by all the
record labels in the US,
not one of them happened to be Lynyrd Skynyrd’s 1973 classic.

Shittiest Album:
FutureSex/LoveSounds
Justin Timberlake

You’ve got a bad album when Sexyback is not the worst song
on it. I mad myself listen to this album so you won’t have to. Dumb Shit
Awards: Providing a public service to you.

Shittiest Artist (ICP):
Insane Clown Posse

This
is the last time there will be this category, as my exposure to ICP has all but
been stopped since I left high school. That being said, they make it a clean
sweep, and retire this award with style and grace.

Shittiest
artist (Non-ICP):
Beyoncé

I’m
tired of Dreamgirls hype. All the songs I’ve heard from it are terrible. It’s
a musical. Have good music for fuck’s sake! Anyway, Beyoncé’s the cover girl,
so she’s the sacrificial lamb.

Shittiest Radio Station (Urban):

Whatever was playing that one time I was at SubWay

This one time, I went to SubWay, and they had just put new
cookies in the oven to bake. Because I wanted them fresh, I sat down and waited
for them to be done. In the time I waited, some urban station was on, and it
played this song about Playstation 2, and Xbox, and Nintendo, Nintendo,
Nintendo. It was really bad, and did I mention that this version of the song
was the remiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiix!? Anyway, any station that would
play that is shit in my book.

Shittiest Radio Station (Non-Urban):

The Lite 93.9

I’m not a fan of Holiday Lite, but truth told, I’m not a fan
of non_Holiday Lite either.

Shittiest TV Show:

The War at Home

Fox

This is the type of show Fox usually puts out.

Shittiest TV Station:

Telemundo

I’ve not picked on Spanish-language television enough, which
is strange because it’s really bad.
Anyway, picking the worst one is like picking a worse sex act to be subjected
to while in prison; they’re all horribly undesirable. All in all, this one is
the worst.

Shittiest Clown Posse:

Insane Clown Posse

This category will not be retired, lest people forget the
presence the Insane Clown Posse has within the Dumb Shit Awards.

Shittiest color:

Beige

You think it’s white at first, but then you relized you got
fucked. Fucking bullshit. Dishonorable mentions go to eggshell and off-white.

Shittiest Movie:

Night at the Museum

The movie’s only strong point, Ricky Gervais, was not in enough
of this movie.

Shittiest State:

California

California’s not done much for me recently.

Shittiest Governor:

Vacant

Anyone wanna step up and claim this prize? Anybody? I guess
I can give it to everyone, because they’ve all failed to stand out. I don’t
trust anyone with a spotless record. Fuck it.
Everyone gets it.

Shittiest President:

Rob Parkin

Development Director President of Sony Computer
Entertainment Cambridge, the company responsible for developing that terrible
24: The Game. Anyone who can make 24 unenjoyable has crossed the line.

Shittiest Aim:
Dick Cheney

Quail Hunting.

Shittiest waste of oxygen:

People who text their votes in to American Idol

In all of Dumb Shit
Award history, I haven’t really shown my contempt for American Idol or for text
messaging, but this induction allows me to hit two birds with one stone.

Shittiest Awards Show:

Those awards shows always on the Spanish-language channels

I was real tempted
to pick on the Grammys, because every award was given to The Dixie Chicks this
year it seems, but the never-ending amount of awards given at these awards
shows, which seemingly are a weekly event, dilutes their importance. That and
the fact that shitty artists/shows/movies always get prizes. It’s like a
fucking gold star you got in kindergarten. Everyone gets one so you don’t feel
like a fuckin’ retard.

Shittiest Group:

Scientologists

I say this at the risk of angering Xenu and The Body Thetans,
but seriously, the shit is ridiculous.

Shittiest Team:

Detroit
Pistons
Basketball

I’ve only been to one sporting event ever, and that was a
Bulls game. Their opponents were the Detroit Pistons. Sure, the game was this
year, but they had the same team last year, which is when the season started.
So boooooooooo.

Shittiest Sport:

Professional Wrestling

I say this as a wrestling fan. There’s too many wrestling
shows on TV, which wouldn’t be a problem, if any of them were any good. Outside
from the occasional good match on SmackDown!, wrestling’s doing a good job at
putting shitty celebrities and having retarded storylines to attract shitty
fans who’ll stop watching when public wrestling interest in wrestling goes back
down (it’s cyclical), not just in WWE with it’s three shitty brands, but it’s
the same shit in the other televised wrestling promotions (TNA and WSX).

Rob Schneider Lifetime Failure Award:

Mel Gibson

How the mighty have
fallen. Once a respected name in, well, everywhere, he’s now seen as a loon. He
hasn’t been in a good movie in just about forever, and his drunken tirades have
put the nail in the coffin. He’s still rich, though.

We’re always looking
for improvements in categories and nominees. Feel free to make suggestions for
next year’s awards. Any categories you think we can cut down, any sort of
suggestion. We’re constantly adjusting for viewer satisfaction. Only here, on
the Dumb Shit Awards. Join us next year.

Vilkomen 07/A real LiveJournal blog (copied from Xanga, though)

2007-01-13T05:51:18Z

It's bullet-list time! Fuck yeah!

I'm still writing that comedy. Anyone whose interested in reading gimme a holler. Anyone who's gotten it but hasn't read on, do it! Man! Anyway, I took a break from writing (ahem), but I'll be in full force again after I finish this blog.
When the only other thing in your house that's alive lacks opposable
thumbs, locking the door when you use the bathroom or take a shower
shoots way down on your list of priorities.
My job rules (as much as a job can, at least), but I'm not in a hurry to go back.
I'm considering getting The Critic - The Complete Series, and Dilbert - The Complete Series, because Amazon has a 2-for-1 sale. Should I?
Fuck, maybe I'll get a tattoo. Those are cool. But I wouldn't want just some dumbass heart with the word "mother" on it. I want a fucking masterpiece, man. And I don't mean one big one, I mean a whole bunch, that - if you knew how to read 'em -would tell a fuckin' story. I should get on writing that.
I'm enjoying this vacation. I needed it bad. First time I've had time off since spring break of last year. I'm finally getting much-needed sleep, rest, and most importantly, free time.
24.
You try explaining "Input
Select" to someone who grew up on a farm during the early 50s in a poor
foreign country.
Speaking of inputs, I should play more vidoeogames. I've been neglecting my poor GameCube, and I have plenty of unfinished games.
Bible of the Devil is playing a free show this Sunday night. I'm thinking of going, but I won't unless someone I know's going. They're awesome, if anyone's wondering.
Last semester, I put on about 10 pounds. Here's hoping to 10 more. Or even more. I can beat metabolism, dammit! Wish me luck.

2006 Retrospective

2007-01-01T06:58:48Z

I don't really write retrospectives. And this will be no exception.

Letting My Mind Wander

2006-09-16T23:46:50Z

Ahah! I can blog here, too. Anyhoo, um, I should be doing homework. But I'm not. I'm watching season 4 of 24, and season 2 of The Office.

Now, I ordered 24 months ago online, and the box was pretty dinged up, and I said, "well, that's ordering online for ya. Shit happens." And well, I hadn't gotten to it because I had three seasons, and videogame, one disc, and school, work & a life (if you could call it that) to get through before I noticed that disc 2 of season 4 is pretty badly scratched up. Of course, this was upsetting to me, so I checked over the rest of the discs, and luckily they turned out fine.

But watching it kinda sucks, cause in the DVD player in my living room, it keeps skipping around. It was unwatchable. The DVD player in my computer room on the other hand, played it far better, but at times, it was just wrong. The DVD player on my computer plays nice and smoothly it seems, but I can't get sound out of it because of the way me & my bro installed the DVD drive. 'sides, I hate watching stuff on the computer. Then there's the portable DVD player, but the shit's too small and the remote sucks. That leaves two DVD players upstairs, but fuck it, I'll try later.

Looks like maybe I'll do something constructive, like all that reading I have to get done (I'm way behind in three classes), or the two papers I have due Tuesday, or even that treatment I should have written up for Thursday. Nah. Fuckit.

Tommorrow, I might actually begin to write a script, or rather, start putting my "sitcom" together. I got ideas and shit, I just need the motivation to get started. Therefore, I encourage anyone and everyone to push me to do it. Anyone that's helpful will get a character named after them or something, or will be given dibs in character-naming or something like that.

Oh, and I know I mentioned "sitcom" earlier, but that's just so no one gets any crazy ideas like calling a character Lord Crotchlery, or Nebula Sgt Corporal Payne, I'm looking a more modern set, but keep in mind, the show I look to make isn't your typical studio-audience thing. But anyone who knows me or the type of shows I watch should know that.

Fred Weintraub, my teacher for Station Management and Operations says actually writing a show is the only way to really find out this is something I want to be in, rather than some theoretical shit I'm sorta into. I can't promise anyone it will be the greatest show, or that it'll even make a difference, it's just something I have to write to see if this particular path is the one I will go down.

Maybe I'll learn I'd rather direct, or be in post, but this is the way to find out.
Besides, wouldn't you just feel proud of yourself to know that you helped me become the man that I'll become when i'm rich and living my dreams? Do you really want to take that away from me, do you you heartless son of a bitch? WHERE IS THE BOMB!?? PEOPLE ARE GOING TO D- Oh, sorry. Forget about that, please.

4 years since I started the TV thing, and I still haven't hammered down where I want to be specifically. Although I try to put it out of my mind, I will have to leave to New York or LA to get a job when I'm out of school. And I love Chicago, I don't want to leave here. Maybe that's why I can't choose a concentration. I don't wanna leave here. Bleh. Being in this mostly senior class has me thinking way too much into the future. I haven't even done my homework this week.

Better? preview

2006-08-26T04:31:45Z

Read my new Xanga blog, where I discuss the merits of leaving my shit-ass job, and the immediate fallout.

He says, he says

2006-07-10T02:56:53Z

Thank you Mario! But our blog is in another castle.

Keepin up.

2006-04-25T23:39:36Z

Well, my whole employment situation was figured out. So, today was my first day of orientation. I had to skip class, and actually will for the remainder of the week, because orientation hours are not so flexible. Bah, who gives a fuck? Nothing is due this week. And I'm almost done, anyway. Don't worry, work will not interfere with school. Stop being such a pussy.

Whelp, orientation was killing me at first. I had plenty of sleep, but the instrctor and videos... it reminded me of class. Anyhoo, I had a cup or so of coffee (I'm not a coffee drinker, i was just that sleepy), and the rest was fine. It wasn't all bad. Still, I don't wanna have to rely on coffee, so I'm gonna make sure to sleep extra the next couple days.

Luckily, it's a paid orientation, and it's only 4 hours a day this week. After that, I'll be able to wear tha fruity orange apron and make mad bucks. Woo.

Viva!

2006-04-03T05:46:59Z

Not even the highlight of the weekend. But it's the only one there's a picture available of. It is nice, though. ROH >that publicly-traded company. Far, FAAAAAAAR greater.

This is awesome, though.

There will be a day when everyone knows who he is. Or God hates the world. Either or.

I'll edit in my weekend later. For now, I shall sleep on account of there being school tommorrow.

A call to hand(held)s

2006-03-14T00:07:46Z

Do you, or anyone you know have a Sony PSP and/or Nintendo DS? If so, drop me a line (and if you read my blog, I assume you know how to reach me), and let me know if you're interested in me interviewing you for my final project. I want to do a profile of modern handheld videogames (sorry, GBA, Nomad, and Game.com) and their owners.
The overall topic of my group final is wireless technology, so I opted to do videogames, because, well that should be obvious. Anyhow, if you would like to help out, please contact me. Hell, you might become a star by merely being involved in my documentary. No, but seriously, if anyone would like to come on board, lemme know ASAP, because I start shooting this week. A wide and varied demographic is appreciated. Thank you. God bless.

2006 Dumb Shit Awards

2006-02-26T23:55:10Z

Ladies and gentleman it's the 2006 Dumb Shit Awards! We'reback after one exclamation-filled year! Of course we're going to showcase theworst possible shit ever! There are four new categories! "Worst gang" has beenchanged to "worst group"! Well, without further ado, let's get on with theshow! It's time to present the first shitty!

Shittiest Song:
Dirty Little Secret
Move Along
The All-American Rejects

Since there is no picture of the song, I'll run ICP in its place.Few things last year made me violently ill. This wasn't one of them, but it didmake me angry. No one should be subject to this. I mean, c'mon, did we lose awar or something?

Shittiest Album:
Man's Myth, Vol. 1 (tie)
Mutant, Vol. 2 (tie)
Twiztid

Why not induct both? They're bothwell-deserving, equally trashy, and ridiculously stupid. Ompa!

Shittiest Artist (ICP):
Insane Clown Posse

As previously stated, thiscategory was made so someone else could win something. I could startdisqualifying them on principle, but what would be the fun in that?

Shittiest artist (Non-ICP):
Fall Out Boy

This is what the target looks like.

Shittiest Radio Station (Urban):
WGCI

It hasn't been inducted yet,meaning I've unfairly passed it over. It would be inconsiderate of me to keepit that way. And with their current, shitty-looking logo, now's a good a timeas any to induct it, before they realize it sucks and change it to somethingbetter.

Shittiest Radio Station(Non-Urban):
94.7 True Oldies

How the mighty have fallen. There was a time when thosenumbers represented the only rock station in Chicago. Now, they point you in the directionof one out of nearly a half dozen oldies stations.

Shittiest TV Show:
The O.C.
Fox

I really, reeeaaally wanted to put American Idol here, butit'll be back, fresh for inclusion next year, while O.C. will wash away anddisappear, only to be forgotten. Might as well catch it while it's steaming. Nothing exemplifies pop-teen drama more than this show, proven by it's teetering fan base. Puberty has not treated this show's ratings well.

Shittiest TV Station:
FOX

Their treatment of Arrested Development gets them here,despite being the network of 24, Family Guy, and Prison Break

Shittiest Clown Posse:
Insane Clown Posse

Al Roker nearly won this category, but the innovators offeces managed to squeak this one in. this is getting desperate. There's nottelling what tactics themy may resort to.

Shittiest color:
Pink

Hear me out. 2005 just say way too much pink on dudes. Itwas a stupid trend, and has tarnished the image of the color. We need a goddamnbreak from it.

Shittiest 2005 Movie I saw:
Madagascar

I wanted to give this one to Charlie and the Chocolatefactory, but I couldn't bring myself to keep watching that, and this categoryis for the worst movie I saw. Anyhoo, Madagascar gets the nod, because at least something happens in Chocolate Factory,and the same is not true of Madagascar.

Shittiest State:
Confusion

You ain't ever wanna be caught like this, naked, at 3 A.M.in the wrong neighborhood. ICP accepts on it's behalf.

Shittiest Governor:
Arnold Schwarzenegger
California

Aside from pissing off everyone in his state, he managed toextend that to places outside his constituency. That's good politic-ing.

Shittiest President:
Rupert Murdoch

He could've save Arrested Development. He didn't.

Shittiest waste of oxygen:
John Cena

See that contraption in his right hand? At one time, it wasthe most important wrestling title in the world. That was before he pimped hisbelt into a blinged-out piece of shit, put out a rap album, and captured thehearts of millions of idiots worldwide. Now, the WWE belt plays second fiddleto the World Heavyweight Championship, in the WWE. Yes, the WWE title is a mid-tierbelt even in WWE now. He can't seem to speak except for in ebonics, and he'swhite.

Shittiest Awards Show:
Teen Choice Awards

Ashton Kutcher has won 6 of these awards.

Shittiest Group:
FCC

*This induction was censored by the Federal Communications Commission.*

Shittiest Team:
Whatever the hellteam lost to the Sox in the World Series
Baseball

I'm not sure which team it was, but they put up no fight.I'll just use ICP as a placeholder photo for them. They were swept 4-0, by somedumbass team from Chicagothat isn't known for going to the big dance, let alone winning it.

Shittiest Sport:
Fishing

If basic survival tactics are a sport, where's the TVcoverage for "running from bears", and why is there no Olympic event consistingof "not getting Bubonic Plague". Fuck, I better not give anyone ideas. In any case,copyright me.

Lifetime Failure Award:
Rob Schneider

No one in the history of shitty shit has consistently putout shit that was so shitty. Rob Schneider has continued to meet low demands,and pander to the lowest possible denominator. Rob, for making such shit, youenter the pantheon, the Shitty Hall of Fame. From here on out, the recipient ofthe award for this category shall be awarded the Rob Schneider Lifetime FailureAward. And oh? What's this? We have winner already? Let's hand it out.

Rob Schneider Lifetime Failure Award:
Insane Clown Posse

Once someone has been given this exclusive dishonor, one maynever win it again. And so, we recognize the first recipients of thisblemishing award, the Insane Clown Posse.

Another year has gone by, another Dumb Shit Awards. Be sureto join us next year. See what we have in store. Even we're not sure yet.

It's coming (out the rear)...

2006-02-19T21:21:04Z

The Shitties are back next week.

The Second Annual Dumb Shit Awards

Relive the worst of the year. All the dumbest shit of 2005, as decided by someone other than you, chronicling the definitive low points of the year. See new shitty categories, new shitty faces, and new shitty shit. Also, be there for the presentation of our first Lifetime Failure Award.

Missed it last year? Well, rerelive the dumbest shit of 2004 at the innagural Dumb Shit Awards.

It's ValenTimes Like These

2006-02-18T04:03:20Z

   So, my interesting story of February 14th (actually, I'd like to bitch about the spelling of the month, but that's a whole other barrel of monkeys). I was gonna post it on Xanga the day of, but I'd just recently posted something, and I forgot aboot LiveJournal. Eh, consider this one a bonus.

   So, I'm on the bus, on my way to school in the morning (my Tuesday 9 A.M. Math class), when i overhear a mother talking to her 5-year-old son about her man, a man I would bet good money was not the child's father.

   "Today better be perfect. Today's the only day he's got to do anything right. Just this one time. A man, he better never forget these things; Valentine's, her birthday, Sweetest Day, and Christmas. Those are only four things. If he know what best for him, he better make it perfect."

   A hispanic woman telling her son the way to a woman's heart as she accompanied him to what better have been kindergarten, if she has any decency as a person. 8:15 on a Tuesday morning, teaching her five-year-old how to mack bitches. This woman is a terrible mother.

Who needs an alarm Klocke?

2006-01-28T22:54:00Z

   Yesterday. So my mom wakes me up at 7:30, to watch my niece, because she has to go do some shit. Of course, I'm pissed that she wakes me up so early on the weekend. Luckily, she's asleep, so I get to go back to sleep.

   At 9:30 or so, whithout fully waking up, I notice my mom comes home, so I walk back to my room half-asleep. And I'm out till about 1:30 (Yup, almost everything happens in the 30s).

   Anyhoo, I do the shit I do every day, brsuh, eat, piss, etc. I dfo my internet stuff, and so on. I check the mail, hoping for the Best Buy paper, but strangely enough, there were no weekend ad papers whatsoever. There were bills and shit, so the mail had come, but for some reason no sales ads.

   I start watching TV, and notice that all the shows suck hard. I thought some of the se shows weren't even on Weekends. It baffled me. Then I notice. OH SHIT, IT'S FRIDAY!

   Much to my delight, I have an extra day of weekend, and up until now, I had completely forgotten it existed. Praise Jebus, I have a whole other day to do shit.

   And now in retrospect, what my mom did is even worse. It was bad enough when I thought she woke me up on the weekend, she woke me up on my fucking day off. Errg. Anyhoo, you can read what I did with my time on xanga. And no, I'm not copying Brandon with this multiple entry thing.

Wednesday, Bloody Wednesday

2006-01-26T17:26:29Z

So, I'd want to try something different next week for my Wednesday Break, as I'll call it. This Goes from around 12:30 P.M-1:00 P.M. every Wednesday. Now, since I'm in school so long, have to eat something, or I'll die, and spedninding money downtown is foolish. I don't wanna go to Bacci's every week, so does anyone have any suggestions of places near CTA trains (any one of them, cause I'm in the fucking Loop) that are decently close to Columbia so I can kill time during the break and grab a bite to eat?

My Quest to find Zelda

2005-12-26T19:03:16Z

So... anyone know somebody with the Ocarina of Time Master Quest that they wanna get rid of? Cause I'd be happy to take it off their hands. Some retard lost mine. Seriously, If you, or anyone you know doesn't want it, or you see one in the used games bin at some place, lemme know.</font

Which Video Game character Are You?

2005-12-16T21:35:13Z

Take it here (see Jancko? How hard is it to link?), slut. Slut being unrelated to my mentioning Jancko, at least to the best of my knowledge.

I like to think I'm more like Cesar from San Andreas (supporting character for you rubes who have yet to play that. What's wrong with you?), but hey, at least he's a GTA character. And I'm so not CJ or the nameless guy from GTA3.

That 70's post

2005-12-15T01:43:45Z

I just got done seeing That 70's Show for the first time in maybe a year or two. A lot has changed. So if anyone knows, fill me in on some things:

Why does Donna act like she's on qualudes?
Why, and more importantly, when did Topher Grace leave?
Why do they still hang out in the Foreman house?
Who the fuck is Randy?
Why did Ashton Kutcher let go of his last shred of un-douchebagginess by leaving this show?
How come Fez seems to have taken over Kelso's character?
Why wasn't Tommy Chong in this episode?
Jackie's Italian?
How come the show isn't as funny anymore?

Religion

2005-11-22T22:13:26Z

You scored as Christianity. Your views are most similar to those of Christianity. Do more research on Christianity and possibly consider being baptized and accepting Jesus, if you aren't already Christian.

Christianity is the second of the Abrahamic faiths; it follows Judaism and is followed by Islam. It differs in its belief of Jesus, as not a prophet nor historical figure, but as God in human form. The Holy Trinity is the concept that God takes three forms: the Father, the Son (Jesus), and the Holy Ghost (sometimes called Holy Spirit). Jesus taught the idea of instead of seeking revenge, one should love his or her neighbors and enemies. Christians believe that Jesus died on the cross to save humankind and forgive people's sins.

</td>

Christianity

75%

Satanism

67%

agnosticism

67%

atheism

42%

Islam

38%

Paganism

38%

Buddhism

29%

Judaism

13%

Hinduism

Which religion is the right one for you? (new version)
created with QuizFarm.com

Loveline

2005-11-08T04:07:00Z

So, Adam Carolla did his last episode of Loveline, and here I am, listening to his last episode. It aired Friday, but I couldn't hear it, so I had to download it.

Best radio show ever. Here's to many more. Go Loveline. It's not the end.

Fuck baseball

2005-10-24T20:57:45Z

   "We're in the world series"
   "We're at bat"
   "We have two outs"
   "We're up by one"

No we're not. Are you on the team? Am I on the team? Fuck no! I mean, you might be, for all I know, but for some reason, I doubt it. All this "we" business has got to go. That's just dumb shit people say to make themselves feel like they're a part of something. Get your self-estemm somewhere else, you pussy.

"But they're representing Chicago."

Bullshit. It's a business organization that just happens to hold events in Chicago regularly. That's like saying a banking firm in Wichita is representative of Kansas. None of the players are from here, and probably don't reside here, either. Furthermore, most of the staff is from somewhere else. In fact, the only jobs held by Chicagoans are the shitty ones.

"You'd be celebrating if the Cubs were in the World Series"

The who?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I hate that none of my favorite shows are on for another two weeks. I watch a lotta Fox, and because I don't have cable, it leaves me with very little entertainment from the TV stations. Hell, other networks run repeats, cause they know that they can't compete with the Worlds Series, and that is bullshit. It sucks that so many people blindly follow steroided Puerto Ricans playing a children's game for millions upon millions of dollars.
And the sad things is, it's be the same if the Bears were in line for the Super Bowl. Good thing "we" no longer are good at basketball. Seriously, you should all be ashamed of yourselves. You're behaving like a bunch of red states.

Myspace.

2005-10-11T02:51:59Z

Dear Myspace users:
This is Myspace. We would like to fuck you. That feature which you were about to use is currently down. Oh, and you can't do that , either. It's down, too. In fact you can forget about any of the site being usable, particularly when you wish to use it. With regards, the Myspace team.

P.S. Fuck you.

M.A.N.

2005-10-05T04:02:32Z

I didn't really elaborate on this when I wrote about it in xanga, so I'll go into more detail here.

Now, we all know assholes who are way into macho bullshit.

"I drink more than you, so I'm a man."
"I have a big penis, so I'm a man."
"My car has nicer rims, so I'm a man." "I can bench more than you. I'm a man."
"I settle for having sex with crack whores. *Grunt* I'm a man."

Their favorite topic is them, specifically the dumb stuff they do which alegedly makes then manlier than thou. They hold a value in the stupid things about them no one cares about them, and they equate them into being a better person.

Of course, the only people stupid enough to measure themselves thusly are those who are of no value to society, so the supposed large penis they have is supposed to make up for dropping out of high school, breaking into someone's house, or the old lady they stabbed. Well, I decided to take that foolish pride and take it a step further. I decided to give it all a numerical value.

Of course, this is all sarcastic, because I think they're all stupid assholes. Even in the likelihood that they have a larger penis than I, the person they are arguing with, or whoever, it doesn't mean a damn thing. That being said, lemme explain M.A.N. (Male Attribute Number) Points. See, the more manly things you do, the more of a man you are. Effemenite things, or what retards call "teh gay shyit", subtracts points, and therefore their value. One with a higher number is more of a man than someone with a lower score.

For example: Holding your girlfriend or wife's purse for her is -15 points per minute. Holding both their purses at the same time is +20 points. Not fighting someone makes fun of your mother or who calls you a homosexual is -200 points. Beating the shit out of someone because they like a particular football team is 45 points. Double if the person made fun of you mother.

See? The point is to humor the idiots to the degree that even they get that they are being petty. Or course, the downside is that maybe they'll take it seriously and revel in that they now have a means of measuring they're manhood. Bah, either way, I created the idea, so he patent's mine.

Xanga post

2005-09-23T03:34:41Z

So, Monday, I had planned to make the next day's xanga post to be about all the TV I saw on Monday. With the epic day that I had... that day, I jst had to write about all that happned. So I'm just gonna give this lonely livejournal another post, so as to add more stuff to this here blog. So yup, you all are getting a slightly updated filler xanga post. About TV. I know, livejournal people are too smart to rot their minds, and reading is all the rage, so maybe this will prove to be something fresh to your literacy-inclined lives.
MONDAY So, Monday, was the season premiere of Arrested Development, now in it's third season. The show is so goddamn witty and smart, with beautiful pacing. The characters are super-flawed, but that just makes them all the more lovable. The continuity always amazes me, but would be lost on the average idiot. This show rewards you for paying attention. It doesn't punish you for missing anything, but that's your own loss. If you see them all in order, not only does it make more sense, but the jokes are funnier, as many of them have build-up. Perhaps the reason stupid people just can't get into it. If you're a stupid person, don't even hurt yourself. Next on Fox was Kitchen Confidential. It wasn't bad. It wasn't good. I don't wanna say it was bland, because it wasn't. It was pretty decent, but the stupid parts were there. hankfully, they didn't bleed into the good, but they did stick out. It's this gimmicky show about a chef with a troubled past, and assembles a motley crew to run his kitchen. Only they're like people from a heist movie. And there's a dumb blonde. Still, there's laughs and hope. I don't know how you make tons of episodes about cooking and keep it fresh. ER did it in the medical drama. Oh wait, it didn't. It was ovverrated and sucked. This show is better, though. Prison Break. I'd heard a lot of good things about it. I thought I would be confused, as the show had started some weeks ago, but my brother kept me up to speed somewhat. The latino character sucked hard, but the rest of it was great. The suspense (which is what this show's about) was great, and the comedy placed where it needed to be. The characters have great placing, and I reccomend this.
***Now for Wednesday and Thursday, which would not have made it into my original xanga post.***
WEDNESDAY I saw Destination: Lost, a one-hour special likely aimed at people like me who missed the first season of lost. I was a recap of the entire first season of the show. This was awesome, and it really got me into the show, which plan to follow for the second season onward. I want to see more of the first season, but enough of that. On to write about Lost, the reason I saw this special in the first place. I wanted to be able to watch the show and not be, well, lost. Lost was awesome. It has a bit of sci-fi mystery without being this over-geeked space crap. No, it's really a suspense show, with a sort of survival aspect. The characters' backstories are interesting. Depth. Lots of it. And it's creepy in a sort of smart way. Add this to my hours of television viewing.
THURSDAY Actually, the only thing I saw today was Everybody Hates Chris. Funny stuff. It sucks that almost the entire first episode was given away by the commercials hyping the show, but I remeber the same thing happeneing with King of the Hill, and that show rules. Well, it doesn't exactly rule, but it's a reliable, funny, and very good show. But anyhoo, UPN's new show had a lot of the humor that I like about Chris Rock, and is just a good sitcom. I can't think of a bad thing about this show. Oddly, it doesn't have that Life with Louie feel (remember that oldie? I loved it as a kid. I memorized all the lines to the first episode, before it was a regular series), but that's probably good, because it totally sucked when Waynehead tried it. Waynehead fucking blew.

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2005-09-11T19:51:16Z

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2005-09-10T17:51:01Z

I thought I'd update it, but have no plan on what exactly yet. I guess I'll write about yesterday's visit to El-Tee.
Anyhoo, I got up early, so as to make it to 4th to meet up with some friends who have that lunch period. Well, I waited for a bus at the Addison Blue Line for half an hour, effectively making me late. So I get there for 5th, and a whole buncha motherfuckers I know have it, so cool. We chilled and shit, you know.
For 6th, since I didn't know who had this lunch, I went in to give Mr. Noel his keys. He was absent. Some things never change. So I went to The Lanka and talked to him. He rocks. Some things neer change.
Anyhoo, allow me to alk about feelings. No, not them sissy bitch feelings. See, walking through the school, I felt familiar, as I should. But I was in no hurry to get anywhere, I didn't have something urgent to do. The pressure was gone. All my years there, especially senior year, I was constantly needed, and working, for what felt like the most important things in the world. And now, I could rest easy, knowing that it was none of my concern anymore.
Anyhoo, after talking to Curt, I went to the Alley, and then to Best Buy, cause I wasn't gonna wait outside O for 2 hours, waiting for everyone to come out of school.
I saw the usual hacking people. Then I saw Lauren and Amanda, who unmasked me. Bitches. I wrestled Lauren to the ground, and since she was wearing a skirt, she's quite pissed. I was gonna take Amanda down, too, but I broke her cheap bracelet thing.
Then I moved on to seeing some of the other kids I knew. Got pounced by Cat. Saw Bill. Then I went to the hacking area, but I didn't kick. I was goddamn tired. It was nice to see some of the old gang back together. Everything's the same. Except Cuba. He's got some new skirt, and this one's actually younger. And he doesn't talk to us no more.
Let's see, before I left, I saw Ryan yet again. Nothing much past that. I came home, and came to the computer or something.